I need solace and answers.

I failed to secure a position back at my SIP place. And I've never experienced such a dramatic turn of events before in my life. I thought I had planned my life out perfectly. It was supposed to be that simple.

I really thought I would be successful since there was indeed a vacancy, and I had the experience, the flair, the zest and importantly, the passion. I was willing to work my ass off. I was extremely fine with entering as the lowest-paid, ranked, in there.

Oh right, and that simply wasn't enough for them, isn't it? It really wasn't enough, correct? Oh right. How can I forget. Silly me.

I AM ONLY A DIPLOMA HOLDER.

I have never been this disappointed. I have never failed in something. What I have set my mind to, I have successfully gained it. I know God has been giving me face the past few years. And maybe this time, He wants me to taste failure for a change.

I have never felt so lost and being an utter loser. How could I have miscalculated this? How could I have been so confident I would get it?

Ok, after graduation on 21st May, I will be gone for a while. I wanna seek some peace and solace. And maybe for once, not accuse Him of forsaking me. I need to find time for myself. I need to find Him again in my life. I've lost Him and now I want to be with Him.

I've been crying non-stop since yesterday. My eyes hurt real bad. But my heart is even worse. It is shattered. I'm broken.

Apa salahku? Apa dosaku, Tuhan? Aku gagal mendapatkan kerja itu ya Tuhan. Terasa diri ini dicengkam kesedihan yang tiada lepasnya.

AKU MARAH! APA DOSAKU??????? APA DOSAKU.. God, have mercy.. God, help me..