Funny how powerful a phone call is. Funny how powerful the strength of a memory. Funny how it's these simple things that can totally turn your lives upside down once again. It is even funnier when you have a strong, super-sensitive EQ and memory like me.

I knew I had let it go. Let all the emotional baggage go. I became happy and forgot all my sadness and depressive moods. But that phone call was too much. As I spoke, no, as he spoke, all the memories that I had chucked into a little corner of my heart came flooding back, rushing from all corners into my panic mind. I had tried desperately to restrain those memories, those feelings.

I tied them real hard with my perseverance and my defensiveness, and yet they managed to release free and enter my fragile state. They unleashed upon me an almighty feeling, the same kind of feeling I had painfully hidden and scored against all this while. I was overtaken. I was overthrown.

And once more, my heart was mushed to bits. Once again, I feel great disappointment and total anguish. As I spoke, he spoke, memories flashed through my eyes like some crazed Avid montage as I relived every single moment. It was monstrous as I felt bogged down again. His serene face filled my eyes again and as I painfully look at it again, I felt... lost. I felt defeated.

How I wished that phone call never came. Him and his pauses, him and his lameness, him and his jokey-lamey way. How I wish he did not call. For now, I am starting all over again. I am so fragile.

--

"Hello?" From this moment, I knew who the caller was. The crazed montage played in my eyes.
"I'll call you back, yup. Hello?"
"Hello?" I sounded a little bewildered. This is so not happening. I had let go. I had let go. Not now. I was whispering like mad. The office was super-quiet, "Who is this?" (I pretended not to know. I wanted more confirmation, more of his voice).
"This is your lecturer *silence*" (The pauses never disappear, his trademark)
"Huh? Uhh, okayyy.. Who?"
"This is your lecturer. PAUSE"
"Who?"
"It's me, Huang Hao! PAUSE (Starts rambling off like a bullet train whilst I was still trying to grasp the enormity of the circumstance, accept that he actually called) Er, ya, are you coming for.....BLA BLA.......?"
"Woah, wait wait! (I took down the details, which he sped through as though he's being chased by a verbal cheetah)."
"Er, ya, later SMS me when you're free okay?"
"Huh? What?" (I'm already like half-deaf and he spoke fast and SOFT)
"SMS me when you're free.."
"Oh okay, yah."
"Okay then, see you. PAUSE Don't forget to SMS me. PAUSE"
"Oh okay.. Byeh."
"Ok, bye."

The line went dead. Suddenly, the Antarctica-challenging airconditioning in my office seemed to challenge the Saharan desert. I felt hot around the edges. My Parkinson's came back too. I could not even SMS him properly. I stared at my phone, totally disbelieved. I stared at my computer screen and my paperwork. But all I saw, were the montage of memories.

Funny how powerful a phone call is.
--

So, this is the girl I have been bugging at my workplace, due to my ke-selenge-an. Haha. Syarifah from SP!! I kapok the photo from her! MWAHAHA... MY NOSE IS HUGE. OMG. BUT HECK, I LOVE IT. haha. random nyer. (U still have not bluetoothed me photos of me brushing my teeth! Yeah! I brush my teeth at work.. Cannot ah? Hahaha. U guys must be wondering right right? Haha)