Oh manz, I was so tired mentally and physically just now. I zonked out straight after coming back.

Oh manz, it was great meeting you guys again, even if just for a while. YAY! Ok, buka puasa next. MUST HAVE. It's great to be around familiar people, people who you are comfortable with. YAY!! Hahaha.. Abeh, tak amek gambar or something ke.. hahaha.

Anyways, yep. I don't know what to say. I zonked out like after Maghrib and until 11 like that. And I dreamt? No prizes for guessing. LOL. I dreamt it before and it appeared again tonight. I guess I cannot shake him off for now. I guess I am still stuck in the past.

Somehow, Huang Hao and I were chosen to play in a BAND? As in military band, and I am playing the trumpet, whilst he played this super-weird instrument, which had three things you had to twiddle with before you can play? And I was as usual, blur-blur and don't know how to play a freaking trumpet. He talked to me a lot, like how did he play, did he play okay, he simply talked. And I simply listened. There were those pauses in his speech too. Sheesh. Why must dreams be such an accurate mirror to reality? LOL. He was his usual self, and I was mine. I just didn't want to wake up. I knew it was a dream in that dream and I remembered saying to myself (internal diegetic sound LOL) "Please don't let me wake up."

But I did lah duh. And when I checked my email, I saw that he emailed me! Yippee. Just a normal forward, chain mail kind of thing. I dunno, it seems weird, right Nis and Nah? It's like what you said, something is 'wrong' (oya, he said all those things when we were about to separate; jaga diri baik2, jgn tido lambat. kat dalam MRt yang lepas tu, I terus cried cried), but sometimes I feel it's just him being amicable that's all, like what you said. God, it's just so darn confusing. I extremely hope and hope and hope that there is something 'wrong' (note apostrophes)!!

My grey and white matters are like gonna crumble anytime. I feel that my dura's gonna go bust any moment and my neurones? They are goners. (Anisah is going to strangle me if I type in another biological term, so I'll stop there. MWAHAHA) Damnzit. Damnzit. What should I do? People with experience, please help? haha.

--

Film paper was a load of CRAP. I did not take note of the time and hello, I became dead. Yep. The narrative structure question was super-freaking hard!! Ain, say goodbye to 20 marks! But the rest were, shall I say, rather smooth sailing for me, since I studied and revised and watched Psycho and Citizen Kane again. I love application questions when I know the answers. LOL!

What's with tertiary and post-sec education and 20-mark questions?? Why?? I was dealt with 5 questions, each is 20 marks. 20 freaking marks.

One example: Define two of the terms in cinematography 1) Shallow focus, 2) Deep focus and 3) Rack focus. Illustrate with examples from the films that you have watched in class so far, with the director's communication of space and story telling in mind.

WHAT IN THE HELL WORLD?

But when I look back, hey, it was actually fun. I was happy in Film classes, I enjoyed them and I just had a knack for films (though I assure you that all these won't guarantee you an A: I got a lot of Bs). I think is the interest that matters.

So long Film Theory and Criticism. I will miss you damn badly. I will. Seriously. Thank you for exposing me to great cinematic masterpieces like Citizen Kane by Orson Welles (ULTIMATE!!), Psycho by Alfred Hitchcock, and modern texts like Children of Heaven by Majid Majidi, The Shining by Stanley Kubrick. Ohmanz.

Why do all good things always come to an end? Why can't they last forever? FOM, Film Theory, and especially, Huang Hao. Why can't I just get three of this and move along quietly in my life? Why must I be PLAGUED by plagues and muka busoks, why must I change, why must I move on, why must I adapt (a Gemini usually can adapt well, but heck, I am a UNIQUE Gemini). Why must I change? Why? Why must I face stuff and grow up? Why must I grow up?

Why must I let go the things that I hold very dear and love? Why. Just why.. And nobody can answer me. Nobody can. Everyone's just with their own lives. Why can't we for once, just stop to smell the roses? Why when I stop to smell the roses and appreciate and live life unconventionally, everybody stereotypes and holds a stigma?